Monday, January 6, 2014

Happy New Year

Some school/work breaks are better than others.  Sometimes it is so pleasant to have all of my family home all day, to sleep in, to have no definite responsibilities or plans for each day.  I have to say that this break has not been one of our best.  The kids have been picking at each other.  Bear, at almost 11 years, has been acting like a pre-teen.  The last couple of days have been highly unproductive.  It's possible that I have even gotten on Mike's nerves, although he isn't the type to say so.  I'm not dreading the return to school tomorrow.

I've been particularly challenged lately to get my elder child to just be nice to his younger brother.  He gets irritated by Beaver's immaturity and eagerly jumps on any opportunity to assert his authority, and then feels offended and misunderstood when I come to Beaver's defense.  It's a delicate balance beam I am walking on!  What Bear doesn't understand is that, unfortunately for him (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), the tenor of their relationship rests more heavily on his shoulders, simply by virtue of being the oldest.  It is certainly true that Beaver is not always the innocent victim, but I'm sure that if Bear made an effort to be nice, Beaver would generally follow suit.  

This morning I sent Bear to take a shower.  After a satisfactory amount of resistance and stinkerlyness, he declared that he wanted to take a bath instead.  Fine with me.  I got Beaver dressed, with plans to bathe him before bed, and then got in the shower myself.  Before I even made it into the shower, I heard Beaver knock, knock, knocking at the bathroom door.
"I changed my mind that I want to take a bath with Bear."  He declared.
Of course he did.  And of course Bear didn't want him to.
"What did Bear say?" I asked.
"He said no!  But I want to take a bath right now!"
"I'm taking a shower, sweetie.  I'll talk to Bear when I get out, but maybe he wants to take a bath by himself."
"But I already have my shirt off!"
"Beaver, I'm already in the shower.  We'll talk about it when I get out!"

So, I continue with my shower, and when I turn the water off, Beaver is still knocking on the door.  Probably has been the entire time I've been washing my hair.

He responds to my inquiry with hope in his voice. "This time Bear said 'Maybe'!"
I hear him running back to the kid's bathroom, and then returning. "He said if I know what is one times one, then I can come in!"
"One times one is one."
Swift footsteps down the hall.  Angry footsteps coming back.
"He says I can't come in because you told me!"

I slip on my bathrobe and open the door to discuss to situation.  Beaver is outside the door, already stripped of clothing, ready to get in the bath.

"Listen, honey.  You just stay in here and leave Bear alone for a few minutes while I dry my hair.  By the time I'm done, maybe he will be ready to let you in."

Beaver complies, and once I'm done with my hair, I go to ask Bear if Beaver can come in the bath now.  "I guess." he responds, very unenthusiastically.

Beaver happily climbs in the tub, but it isn't long before the drama starts again.  He wants the robot that Bear is playing with.  This time I'm squarely on Bear's side.

"Beaver, Bear was already playing with the robot.  You can't come into his bath and then take the toy he has."

Angry protests, angry defenses.  Beaver declares that he doesn't want to take a bath if he can't have the robot.  I offer to get him out.  No, he doesn't want that either.  He just wants to sit in the bath and be angry.  Bear is snapping back at him with derision.  I sigh and go back to my room.  Why can't they just get along?  As I put away laundry, I am formulating the lecture Bear is going to get later.  Not an angry lecture, just a discussion of how he has more responsibility and he sets the example, and friends will come and go in his life, but his brother will be his brother always, and all those things that I'm sure he doesn't want to hear.

Then I hear Beaver laughing.  Bear is playing with the soap - letting it slip out of his hands and then making a big show of trying to find it and catch it in the soapy water, but it always slips away again.  Beaver is laughing harder.  For the next hour and a half, they remain in the bathtub, having a fabulous time.  When they finally get out, I have two clean and happy boys.  A magical combination.

Maybe it was just that Bear started the game with the soap for himself.  Or maybe it was an actual attempt to cheer his brother up.  Whatever it was, I am proud of him, and you can be sure he escaped a lecture of any kind.  We'll save that for another day.  Or maybe, just maybe, he doesn't really need it at all.


kelsey said...

Ha. Can I just replace the names in this post and use it for myself? Sounds exactly like W & T. I like the happy ending.

christy said...

Oh I deal with this too much. The kids argue more the older they get. It drives me nuts. But overall they get along really well are are real friends to each other. I used to do the same. Now I'm too old and tired to argue. ;)

Fran said...

Lesson learned; stay in the shower :)