I'm sitting in front of the computer breaking my own rule of not eating past 10:00 at night. But I made banana bread, and I needed to eat a piece before I put it away for the night while the top was still crunchy. In fact, my original plan was to just eat the top crust, but I was hungry, so I ate the whole piece instead. Mike goes out of town and I lose all my resolve.
We were out late tonight at a pack meeting for cub scouts. Bear and the other boys in our den all earned their webelos badges. Good for them. And for me and Mike and their parents.
I've been thinking lately about what my children will remember about their childhood. I suspect that when they think of me, they will remember me sitting in front of the computer. I'm not proud of that.
I was thinking of my parents, and I have a few nice memories that I wanted to record. On Valentine's day at my high school, anyone that had flowers sent to the office for them would have their name posted on the office window, and at the end of the day the staff would get on the intercom and announce the names of anyone who still had a valentine to pick up at the office. I never expected to receive anything, but I often did get flowers from a "secret admirer." I always figured it was from my parents, and maybe I asked, but they never told.
When I was fourteen years old or so I entered the rodeo queen contest with my best friend Cara. I was doing it just for fun and because Cara was doing it - I loved Beau, but I knew that he wasn't a rodeo queen horse. At that point in my life, I had yet to start wearing make-up, and I didn't really know how to begin. That is certainly not one of my talents. But rodeo queens must wear make-up, right? So my mom took me to the Clinique counter at the mall and had them show me how to make up my face, and then she bought all the make-up that they recommended for me. I remember that it all cost over $100, which seemed like a phenomenal amount of money. I was shocked that Mom would spend that much money on make-up for me, but it was also a huge boost to my self-worth. It meant that I was worth $100! Thanks, Mom.
One specific memory of my dad: I was in the backyard, and Dad was on his way to change water. He asked if I wanted to come along to keep him company. I think he was kind of teasing and fully expected me to say no, and I think that was my normal response. But on that day, I said yes. I remember him being a little surprised. With one arm he held the shovel over his shoulder, and the other arm was draped around my shoulders as we walked together past the barn and out toward the field, and I was happy.
I hope that my kids end up with a few good memories of me not on the computer. Here's one little fun thing that I do with them, that I learned from my mom. She used to dump loads of laundry, fresh from the dryer, on top of us if we were sitting on the couch. They were warm and clean-smelling and it felt so good. So when I take a warm load of laundry out of the dryer, I call to my littles, "Quick! Run to the couch!" and they (particularly Beaver, since he's the one usually home) go squealing and running to lay on the couch with huge smiles on their faces so that I can dump the whole load of warm laundry on top of them. I hope they remember that.
These are some of the thoughts that fly around in my head while I'm eating banana bread in front of the computer after 10:00 at night.